Saturday, October 10, 2009


Been feeling very unsettled for quite awhile now. Ever since I had Connor, life has been very different for me (as it should be), but there are some things that I know I need to get back on track with. I need to get back into some sort of accountability/Bible study relationship, but I've been praying for a couple of months and I just don't know who the right person is at this point. Do I need someone more spiritually mature than me to guide me, someone less spiritual that I can guide as well as grow since I would be a leader, or do I need someone on the same playing field so we can encourage each other and grow together?

I also feel God's pull at my life in general. We've had several awesome sermons over the last 4 weeks, as well as a fantastic new book we are studying in the PLG. Both of these have opened my eyes to changes I need to make in my life in order to grow closer to God, Joe, and Connor, but I haven't changed a single thing! I get so mad at myself, but when the time comes up to make a conscious decision to read my Bible, pray, clean the house, spend time with my family, etc, I choose to get on the computer or watch TV. My excuse - my job wears me out so much I just cannot muster the energy to do anything. When I do muster the energy, I pay for it the next day at work. I realize now why God created a day of rest as well as why he intended mom's to spend their time raising children. When I read about the Proverbs 31 woman, I have no idea how she does it all! God must give her a supernatural energy.

Lord, I pray that you would continue to draw my heart closer to you. I ask that you would help me to make good decisions and that I would have the kind of energy you know I need in order to serve both you and my family. I ask that you would heal Connor's body so he stops spitting up. Be with Joe's office and either restore his paychecks in a timely manner or open up a new door for him. Help me to love my students and see them through your eyes. Amen.